The Ten Secrets of Women Call

Ladies, are you looking for a man? Having trouble finding that special someone?

Men, are you stymied by women’s steely Jedi Knight abilities to thwart your every move?

The Rosetta Stone of dating is revealed for all!

Friend-Making Clubhouse at Half Past Eight - Xian, China
Friend-Making Clubhouse at Half Past Eight – Xi’an, China.

We discovered it outside a shiny, clubby looking place aptly named Friend-making clubhouse at half past eight, a Jiefang Lu outpost of a chain in Xi’an, China focused on…we’ll let you use your imagination on this one.

So here goes. These are direct quotes. Check the photo for proof. Oh, and for the record, Audrey’s favorites: #1 and #9. Dan’s favorites: #7 and #10.

Ten Secrets of Women Call

Ten Secrets of Women Call (Chinglish) - Xian, China
Advice for all you women looking for a man.

1. When you get a call from a man do not believe he just want to discuss some philosophy with his valuable time, however it is perfect to prove your charm.

2. Emphasizing this is nothing but a game, if you play the game try your best, it will make you happy, nevertheless, it will cost you a lot if you still serious for this game.

3. Man is apt to self-worth, so you can make he confused without any effort.f By the way this kind of people is interesting and dangerous. Be careful!

4. When you be enamored of someone, don’t receive his invitation but keep him at an arm’s length.

5. Don’t drunk before men’s invitation, because he may still invite you to have a drink. Don’t ask he pay a big bill that will make him unhappy.

6. Leave before you drank and don’t forget explain to you female partner.

7. When you plan to make a call to a lovely men, remember wear your glasses and breathe smooth with out gum. Come down.

Chinglish Dating Rules - Xian, China
More great dating advice. Be sure to check out #10.

8. When you get a ring please wait for others speak first because men like women who are mysterious.

9. Don’t believe what a man said in a call. The best way to understand him is talking with him after he drunk.

10. Don’t hung up the call rudely, if you don’t want to talk with him you can speak softly, ‘shit’.

Finding gross, ridiculous, absurd, hilarious, egregious, appalling abuses and misuses of the English language in China is akin to shooting fish in a barrel. But this one quite possibly takes the prize. In the Chinese government’s bid to clean up English signage prior to the Beijing Olympics in 2008, it looks like they are losing the war in Xi’an.

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  1. Ben says

    Lord knows I’ve tried following these guidelines for years–but I find it really hard to breathe smooth without gum in my mouth.

  2. Emily says

    hey! this is too funny. i think i like #3 best, because it reads so many ways…and they all might hold truth.

    these articles are really insightful and offer a unique view of real culture. i bet a high school history/sociology class would have a lot of fun with this. do you have any partnerships with schools in the US?

    i look forward to reading more. have fun and be careful. happy thanksgiving!

  3. says

    It’s hard to choose a favorite with this treasure of a list – we couldn’t believe it was for real when we stumbled upon it!

    We don’t have any partnerships with schools in the US, but we’ve thought about how we could bring stories about other countries and people to an American student audience. Learning about countries and people through personal and humorous stories instead of textbooks is more interesting and might get students interested in other parts of the world. Any ideas how to get a partnership started?

    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving! We’re having a belated celebration on Saturday – can’t wait for turkey and stuffing!

  4. Suzanne says

    My favorites are #3 and #9, although I think “friend-making clubhouse” might top all of them…

    And yes, this needs to get into the American school system IMMEDIATELY. :)

    (although the school partnership thing is a seriously good idea…hmmm)

  5. says

    Ben: Yes, me too. Maybe you are too apt to self-worth and thus confused without any effort?

    Suzanne: Doesn’t everyone need a friend-making clubhouse every now and then?

    By the way, this is a major plank in the cross-cultural program materials that we are currently assembling. Seriously though, the school partnership idea is one that we’d like to pursue. Our travels have opened our eyes a bit wider. We suspect that they might also do the same for school students, making our world seem more like a world and less like a zoo.

  6. says

    I really thought number 7 was funny! I will be in Xi’an next summer and I think I am going to look for this place. I do have one question though, do you go in to just meet people for dates/friends, or is it like a meat-market where you go in to find people for sex?

  7. says

    @Rachel: Well, I’m not sure if they are great for actually dating…but they are great for the humor factor.

    @Amanda: When we walked by these establishments (there are multiple in Xi’an) it was during the day so we never got to see what sort of customers they attracted. I’m thinking it’s combination of a place to meet new people for a relationship plus a meat market. If you do go, please let us know what you find! I’m really curious.

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