Last Updated on November 13, 2017 by
Does travel always equal going outside your comfort zone?
Particularly among those of us who travel extensively, there’s a temptation to draw the equivalence. While travel can present opportunities to escape the familiar, to experiment with new behaviors, and to subject yourself to vulnerability and emotional risk, it does not mean that once the backpack is strapped on, you have automatically departed your comfort zone.
We are not referring to Amazing Race-like stunts, or bungee jumping, skydiving or other extreme thrill-seeking travel feats. Instead, we are referring to the comfort zone of the cultural and interpersonal variety and the sorts of uncelebrated travel achievements of human interaction that push mental boundaries. This comfort zone is about overcoming fears of people and cultures different than our own – by doing more than just visiting ruins, churches and temples, mixing it up with the front desk staff of the hostel, and staring out the window of a spiffy tour bus while making grand philosophical projections about the life streaming by outside.
It’s about getting lost – sometimes physically, often times emotionally – and placing yourself in situations whose challenges spit you out on the other side – altered, slightly different, and just possibly a better person.
We’ve met travelers who would like to push themselves beyond the limits of what they know and understand, but they don’t know how to get started. We offer a few ideas on how to begin.
After this, you’re on your own. That’s when the real fun happens.
7 Ways to Travel Outside Your Comfort Zone
1. Strike out on your own.
When traveling, do you always find yourself with your partner, your travel buddies, or your tour group?
If so, then it’s time to go off by yourself.
Groups and mobs are not very approachable. They are also subject to insularity. If you are one or two, you appear more approachable. Not to mention, if you would like interaction, you need to make the effort of initial contact. In other words, you can't always rely on life coming to you.
We are reminded of: Dan takes off into the market of Santa Ana, El Salvador for some of his most engaging human experiences in Central America.
2. Ask questions like a kid.
We love to celebrate children and their wonderfully refreshing, honest behavior. Then we become adults and we somehow shut down. Travel can deliver an endless stream of unfamiliar things that strike the chord of curiosity. Unfortunately, we adults are often too inhibited to ask questions for fear of exposing what we don’t know.
Kids tend not to have this problem. They are always asking, “Why? What? How?”
So next time you come across something you’d like to know more about, resist the urge to bury it or Google it on your iPhone. Instead, ask someone on the street about it. Sure, it helps if you have some foreign language skills, but you may find that either the person you're asking speaks some of your language or that they are able to decipher some of your charades regarding whether that pepper at the market will send your mouth to the emergency room or whether it's mild enough for a newborn.
We are reminded of: A simple question about a Georgian dish in the market in Zugdidi ends with an touching experience in Georgian hospitality.
3. Walk, even if it involves long distances.
Walking will invariably bring you closer to the environment; activities, people – and even smells – will draw you in. Stuff is physically closer and more difficult to ignore. Each walk becomes a journey of its own.
Distances too far to walk? Take public transport. The opportunity for interactions with locals is high, as is the possibility of discovering a new neighborhood. Figuring out the system and how to buy a ticket can be a feat in itself that many visitors avoid because it’s “too difficult.”
Taking cabs all the time, while convenient and time-efficient, is not the path to discovery.
We’re reminded of: Figuring out Rangoon (Yangon), Burma (Myanmar) by walking its streets and discovering alley markets and a surprising diversity.
4. Stay open to getting lost.
If your journey is all about getting from A to B — all else be damned –- you are missing out and denying yourself the pleasure of discovery and the unforeseen.
Isn’t this what travel is supposed to be all about?
Now we’re not talking about getting lost when you are drunk at 3AM, but rather about exploring side streets and taking a few unexpected or wrong turns. You may find that you never get reach your once desired destination, but maybe you'll find something even more eye-opening along the way.
We’re reminded of: Getting lost on the streets of Tbilisi, Georgia and meeting this group of gregarious kids in the mood for a serenade.
5. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
While we do not advocate walking through areas known to be unsafe, we have found that neighborhoods that appear sketchy or dirty on the surface are often those with the friendliest and warmest people around.
There’s value in appreciating and respecting those whose living conditions are different than our own. And you may just learn a thing or two from how people in such conditions engage in — and often embrace – life.
We’re reminded of: Stumbling into a grungy back alley courtyard in Fort Cochin, India serves up a cricket lesson and a friendly introduction to the city's Muslim population.
6. Be courageous in foreign language environments.
It’s easy to allow others who speak the language to do the heavy communication lifting for you. The more you place yourself in the foreign language frying pan, the more surprised you will be by your ability to deal with the heat. When you do this, one of two things will happen: either you will improve your language skills or you will force your creativity to the fore.
At the very least, you will have a story – and probably a funny one at that.
Next time you go out to eat, try a restaurant with a foreign language menu. Maybe you won’t get exactly what you expected and you just might have to work for it, but the experience of trying to communicate in a different language and dining with locals will more than make up for it. Vegetarians, you may just want to make sure you know how to say (or have written down) “I’m a vegetarian.”
We are reminded of: Eating without a dictionary and getting creative with non-verbal communication in China.
7. Visit the fresh market.
Even if you are not fanatical about food like us, fresh markets are a great way to engage with ordinary people in environments full of different smells, produce, people and pace. They also get you away from people who have an economic interest in your well-being.
On one hand, people like this are more difficult to interact with — after all, what will you have to say to them? On the other hand, you might just be amazed by how much you have in common.
We are reminded of: The many hours we spent in fresh markets throughout Central Asia where we were often plied with fresh fruit and asked endless questions about our home country, the United States.
Of course you’ll want to protect yourself amidst your newfound courage. So when you take these new risks, you’ll want to do so with your awareness tuned in. When you do, you’ll realize that awareness does not equal fear. And the more emotional risks you take, the better you’ll become at figuring out the real rewards.
What about you? How do you travel outside your comfort zone? What advice can you share with others?
57 thoughts on “How To Travel Outside Your Comfort Zone”
Yet another great post full of insight. I think we all need a reminder from time to time to break out of comfort mode… after all, we travel for new experiences… and there aren’t many of those in the comfort zone!
Great article. Just tweeted it to my followers.
This works in the US also 😉
Although many people who don’t travel think we are brave to do it, I actually think it’s really easy to stay in your comfort zone when travelling, especially on the gringo trail. I agree it’s important to try to push your limits as the travel experience will be so much more rewarding. An example for us is couchsurfing – we had put it off for ages although we were interested in the idea, probably because it was a bit scary going to stay with a stranger. When we finally got around to doing it we had a wonderful time, and loved being away from the hostel scene. If something scares you, it’s probably worth doing.
You guys consistently unearth and analyze that which our brains do their utmost to pack into the closet and forget. Great tips. Put your crutches down and you just might find you can walk on your own two legs.
One more idea: As best you can, eliminate time constraints. When you know you need to be somewhere you often focus on the future and forget to appreciate the present.
Through all of the tips a smile and an open ear will go a long way too! If you’re open and really genuinely interested in the new experience and hearing what the locals have to say they will feel that and respond. And although all of those risky sports you mentioned give that adrenaline high, really connecting outside of your comfort zone has it’s own delightfully joyful high.
This is a great article… I love this picture of playing baseball in the street with the kids!
As always, great article! The one about language I love! I had exactly the same experience in Beijing last year. I ate something that I’m still not sure if it was an animal or a vegetable… 🙂 The most fun I’ve had on trips and the best stories I’ve collected have based around language barriers! (Reminds me of the time I had a watermelon taken off me in Istanbul due to failed attempt at non verbal communication 🙂
I love #5. Once visited a group of people living in cemeteries in Manila. It was terrible conditions, but everyone was kind and wanted their pictures taken (as well as wanted to take pictures of me!) I have found that it tends to always be the people with the least to gain that are the kindest. They are just as interested in you as you are in them, which makes it a cultural exchange. That’s way better than looking at people through the glass of a bus like looking at animals in a zoo.
Great list. I’m definitely going to keep them in mind when traveling!
@Pamela: Great to see you here. Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
@Margaret: Indeed! Your comment reminds me that this post hasn’t long been planned. It took some comments to our Living Outside Your Comfort Zone piece (https://uncorneredmarket.com/living-outside-your-comfort-zone/) to remind us that the relationship between the comfort zone and travel needed to be unpacked.
@Erin: Thanks for providing the example of CouchSurfing and in particular staying with “a stranger.” Although it didn’t come to mind when writing this piece, it’s a perfectly good example of testing the boundaries of what makes us comfortable when we travel. And probably like you, we’ve found some very good new friends by “staying with strangers.” No longer strangers, I guess.
“If something scares you, it’s probably worth doing.” — I like it.
@Keith: Thank you for a terrific compliment and comment. We really appreciate it, particularly because these posts are time- and thought-intensive.
“Put your crutches downâ€¦” — I love that. It’s incredible how much we handicap ourselves because of inertia.
Regarding time constraints, very good suggestion. I almost included “Don’t cram the itinerary.” But it sounded like good advice about travel in general, and life. I suppose if I had to characterize it, I’d say “Within your constraints, schedule some free time or blank slate time.”
@Shannon: A smile helps always. We are inclined toward ones like those worn by Nelson Mandela. See #2:
It’s so true that your openness while traveling will be felt by everyone that you interact with — from the woman at the bus counter to the man on the street.
And as you’ve probably gathered, our intent wasn’t to take swipes at adventure sports. We love them, too (our second date ever was skydiving, in fact). But those experience are more about raising adrenaline and facing up to a different set of fears.
@Brendan: Cricket was a blast. I played it a few times while in India. This first time in Fort Cochin (Kochin), I’m probably not holding the cricket bat properly. But we certainly were having fun.
@Tony: “â€¦not sure if it was an animal or a vegetable.” — I’m laughing out loud. Gotta’ love China (well, Asia really). Eating is like a box of chocolates — you never know what you’re gonna’ get.
The watermelon story in Istanbul sounds like a keeper.
@Anna: People living in cemeteries. I can see it, feel it. And they wanted to take photos of you. There’s something very touching about that.
“The people with the least to gainâ€¦are the kindest” — Very, very well said.
“Itâ€™s about getting lost â€“ sometimes physically, often times emotionally” – love it!
And I have to agree with Shannon, we’re always surprised by how much we can achieve with a simple smile while travelling. 🙂
One of my favorite quotes is “Anything is walking distance if you have enough time.” How true when we’re traveling–walking around a new place is often an experience in itself!
@Cris: Glad you enjoyed it, particularly the “getting lost” bit. May sound counter-intuitive, but I liken it to building muscleâ€¦you break it down a bit first to rebuild it.
Keep on smiling!
@Christine: True. Just about everywhere we’ve been (perhaps Antarctica excepted), there’s been more than a few things and places well within walking distance, yet easily dismissed as “too far away.”
@lisa: We are glad you stumbled on us, too. Thanks for your comment. Let us know what you think and what you find.
I’m so glad I stumbled on to this website, someone I follow tweeted this article and it led me here! It’s so exciting to find a site that personifies my travel philosophy and style. I’m excited to dig in and read more!! Hopefully even submit some stories of my own! Thanks.
@ Daniel: The watermelon story http://travellingtonito.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/the-great-turkish-watermelon-robbery-never-assume-an-old-gypsy-woman-won%E2%80%99t-steal-your-watermelon-in-istanbul/
Hey guys – we have just recently stumbled upon your blog while doing research for our own RTW trip, and what an amazing site…you two have incredible insite, and I LOVE how you constantly give examples of all the situations you talk about. I am sure I will be picking your brain for more advice in the future, but until then, congrats on a mind-blowing article and site.
Skott and Shawna
Yes, yes! Great tips. I would add “lose control” somewhere in there, too. I’ve seen too many people afraid of doing new things because they can’t control the situation (i.e. won’t go into a restaurant with a foreign menu because they want something very specific to eat).
It reminds me in China playing “menu roulette”, seeing as I don’t know any Chinese. I would close my eyes, move my finger up and down on the menu then stop. Whatever it landed on, I would order. I always had excellent food even though I rarely had any idea what I was eating.
Keep on being uncomfortable!
Hi guys 🙂 Yep, another great article. Posted to my FB page now, of course 🙂
Ironically, spending 3 years of traveling and pushing myself to stay outside of my comfort zone, I’m now re-learning the skills to get back into a comfort zone… Finding out the same skilld needed to get out of your comfort zone, are the ones required to get back into the zone and essentially challenge oneself to rediscover the familiar. (Geez, I sound like an advertisement for a ‘stay’cation – who AM I?) Anyway – food for thought.
Keep the great thoughts coming. Hope all is well! -Stephanie
I love the great tips for getting out of your comfort zone when traveling. It’s really a must to let go and be open to a lot of things.
Sometimes we feel that we are not different, but when you go on the other end of the world, everything just turns upside down. So better to get smart and be humble dealing with people. 🙂
@Tony: Thanks for sharing that story – pretty funny. Sometimes what happens is really beyond what you imagined for that scenario.
@Skott and Shawna: Thanks for stopping by and glad you’re enjoying the website. Here is another post you might enjoy as we also gave real life examples for every point: https://uncorneredmarket.com/7-habits-of-highly-effective-travelers/
We plan to beef up the resources section of our website soon so that we can provide more information for people planning their RTW. Please be in touch if you have questions.
@Stephanie: Thanks for posting this to your FB wall! I hope your friends found something useful here, too!
You are so right about having to adjust to getting back into a normal routine when you are finished with travel. We wrote something about stoking the fires of curiosity when you are at home: https://uncorneredmarket.com/curiosity-begins-at-home/ This might be one way to keep pushing the boundaries within the constraints of a traditional home and work environment.
@Kyle: Great point. I think so much of this has to do with fear and specifically fear of losing control. You were a bit more brave with the menu roulette than we were. We would usually say we were vegetarians and have them point us to that section of the menu and then we’d just randomly choose something. Delicious each and every time.
@Brenna: You bring up a great point about dealing with people – being humble. We were once asked at a presentation how we approach people in different cultures and socio-economic groups than us – it really comes down to respecting people. Everyone has something to teach us.
Great insights- how wonderful to be free of encumberances that prevent our living life to the fullest- can’t wait until I am fully downsized and free!
Good tips. I would add, “Give yourself a quest or two.” That way, you’ll have something to go out of your way for, whether your quest is “Travel on every class of Indian Railways” or “Take pictures of people selling beads” or “Get a local to take your picture at every site you visit.”
@Scott: The trick is that once you are free to live life to the fullest that you actually embrace it to the fullest. Sometimes people don’t realize how much work that can be.
@Andrew: Good idea with the quest. The trick is to be sure not to focus so much on the quest that you miss out on other things along the way.
@Andi: Glad you enjoyed this!
Such an awesome post!!! I wish every traveler could read this. Every point you made is invaluable to the true traveling experience.
This is all such good advice! I especially agree with the importance of walking and visiting the local markets.
Thanks so much for encouraging travelers to visit the fresh/local markets! That’s one of my favorite things to do when I travel and usually one of the first! It offers you such a rich, vibrant look into the lives of the people. You can’t get that sense of the country and its people from a guide book! Great points that you made!
Audrey & Dan:
Great post and wonderful bits of advice for the novice or even the seasoned traveler. The main choice it seems is between choosing to observe or engage a culture although the latter offers the opportunity to do both. Exploring places beyond the tourist path, meeting the everyday folk, trying the local foods and struggling with the language usually move us beyond our comfort zone, but, with some conditions, can prove to be satisfying and frequently humorous. Language missteps can be humbling but also hilarious. The main condition I refer to and you have mentioned is safety; essentially not wandering into an unknown area particularly after dark. One choice which can set the stage for the liklihood of these things happening is the matter of lodging; only reserving an occasional room and seeking out options on the in-between days. Our limited experiences convinced us to arrive in unfamiliar areas during daylight hours to minimize the safety issue. Lastly, engagement tests our creativity as we learn the art of communication when words are not available. The opportunity to engage the new and the unknown can be a bit scary but the rewards are usually worth the initial bit of discomfort.
Really nice post that I think applies to new and old travelers alike. Having the courage to experience something new is never easy, but the rewards definitely outweighs the risks.
I’ve shared this post across my social networks and included it in a weekly roundup of blogs i enjoyed reading this week.
@JoAnna: Walking certainly gets it started. And local markets can’t be beat for color.
@Connie: Glad you enjoyed it.
@Don: It really is about engagement. Otherwise, it begins to a feel a little zoo-like. If I don’t engage, I’ll be left wondering, “Now what are those people really like?”
For a little discomfort, you get the reward and satisfaction of having made a connection, maybe understanding things a bit more — and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a laugh for yourself and others.
The point about accommodation is a good one. The idea is to limit the issues and risk on the logistical end of things so you have more time to hang out with people, eat the food, and soak in the culture.
Finally, communication is a funny thing. Language is definitely a part of it, but there’s something universal about the human ability (animal ability, really) to sort out who and what through non-verbal cues.
@Andrew: Thanks for the mention.
Regarding new experiences and risks, it probably cannot be said enough: the hard stuff is usually the most rewarding.
Walking and getting lost are so important. Sounds strange but it is true. When you get lost and can find your way out, you’re not nervous about being in a new environment. Walking brings you closer the people, the sights and the sounds, so much more so than driving by in a taxi or bus or on a train.
Your feet will bring you a much richer experience than any fast paced bus tour ever could.
@brian: The need to get lost certainly doesn’t sound strange to us. Perhaps when you first try it out, getting lost feels a little uncomfortable (as any first experience does). But if your life is searching for new things, getting lost — literally or figuratively — is likely to play a part.
“Your feet will bring you a much richer experience…” — I like that, especially because we are “measuring the Earth with our feet.”
Tip 20 (or so – some great ones in the comments): Understand Your Risks Aren’t as Bad As You Think
Nobody’s staring at you at dinner. Or if they are, it’s because they want to know where you’re from and why you’re there.
You probably won’t die, be robbed, or otherwise have something horrific happen. In fact, you’re probably safer at home – statistically, anyway.
Even the most foreign places, once you get under the surface, are filled with friendly people, trying to enjoy life. Make friends. Life’s short. Live it.
You mention take public transport. I assume that was to actually get somewhere. I say take public transport solely for the adventure of taking public transport, without knowing where you are going. Now that’s a great way to start a conversation!
James and I rode the Mumbai commuter rail back and forth, taking in the views, the people, the smells everything. And no doubt there weren’t many white people doing that. We also just sat in the train station watching people who inevitably approached us for some interesting conversations!
@Andy: Very wise advice here. More often than not, we’ve been so pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of random people we meet. We mentioned something similar in our article on living outside your comfort zone – imagine the worst that can happen. It probably isn’t that bad, especially when you consider the benefit of what could happen if you do try something new.
@Johana: For public transport, it could be either to get to a specific destination or just to take it to explore the city without any final endpoint in time. We’re usually clueless and lost on both fronts! We were going through our photos from India the other day and reminded once again at what a friendly and fun country that was. Great experiences on the Mumbai commuter rail!
Love it 🙂
Those tips have been my golden rules for everyday life since travelling. Actually i’m currently writing a post about NÂ°4.
I’d ad :
Go talk to people even if you think you have nothing to say (you get a wrong image of the country by basing it only on people who come to talk to you)
Do blind ordering in restaurants/eateries : people will love to see your face, and you’ll love to discover new things, and that will probably lead to a discussion
Ask for help : strangerly enough, asking for a bit of help (even when you don’t really need it) is the best way to have a friendly relationship starting with a local.
Take your time : then you’ll be more open to whatever may happen to you. No schedule means more fun.
Thanks for that article, i’ll RT
This is a great article with loads of great tips and examples of how you have made the best of a situation. What an inspiration!!! So looking forward to travelling on my own soon 🙂
Good tips for exploring! I particularly like the one about asking questions. Questions are a vital step in the learning process!
I also believe that if we ask a question right away, we are more likely to remember the answer. If we wait and Google it later, it is of less importance to us, our minds aren’t as engaged, and we are less likely to retain the information.
Not sure if this is true, it’s just my opinion! 🙂
@Yolene: Some of our best experiences have happened when we’ve been lost – it’s a great way to explore. And, when you ask for help when you get lost it’s even better as you have another local encounter or engagement.
I completely agree with your comment about making the first approach in talking to people and not waiting for people to talk with you. In some places, the only people who approach you are interested in selling something – that’s definitely not the only impression you want of a place!
@Colleen: Thanks for your kind words about this post and good luck in planning your next travels! Happy trails!
@Maggie: Not being shy and asking lots of questions is the best way I know to learn about a place and its people. I also agree that asking a question immediately and find that if I wait to ask a question I often forget it in the first place.
I like the way you guys make it easy to the regular people that only travel a few times during the year. And those things I’ve been so cautious about are often the things keeping me from having interesting stories, which I’m growing in.
Btw another idea to get around is on a bicycle. That way you can get to basic destinations in the city and greet people and enjoy the air at the same time.
@Josh: Depending on the city, bicycle is can be terrific. Take northern European cities like Berlin, Copenhagen and Amsterdam and we totally agree. Take others, like Prague (where we lived for 5 years) and cycling across the city, you are putting your life at risk. Same goes for more compressed cities throughout the developing world.
Am glad you enjoyed the article and in particular, found it accessible to anyone, not just avid travelers.
Very informative. You gave us a bit of a push to go overboard on our travels. 🙂
@budgetwanderer: Glad we could be of service. Though I don’t recommend going overboard when it comes to travel…then you can get burn out. Maybe I can turn you onto 7 Habits of Highly Effective Travelers!
Something I like to do (of which my wife is not a big fan) is to wake up early – 5am or so – and go for a walk and see what people are doing. Seeing a place in the early morning hours lends a brand new perspective to what life is like in the place you are.
To take your suggestion of walking a step further (no pun intended!) I’ll say hands down the best way to travel is by bicycle. To be sure, cycling across a continent is not for everyone, but even a one-day excursion out of town and back can open you up to something truly amazing, where you will likely end up way out of your comfort zone and experience many if not all of the points you mention. The good thing is, you can always pedal back!
Nice post guys – and just as relevant two and a half years later and for as long as people travel.
@Kevin: I couldn’t agree more about waking up early. In certain parts of the world (Southeast Asia & parts of Latin America) waking up early can be when the markets and streets come to life. Often, it’s the best time to see a market.
We’ve become bike enthusiasts more and more over the years and love how it provides you with the ability to see so much in one day. And because you are still close to the action/pavement you observe and experience so much. Always nice to end a bike ride with a good pub, too, so you can meet locals 🙂
Such true words. Especially the paragraph on staying open to getting lost. Some of the best adventures ever had are when you are lost in a new place.
Great list here, I couldn’t agree more. I think the individual thing that you mention in the first point is true. People who travel in groups have far less opportunity to meet people than those who travel solo. My favorite way to explore is walking for sure, it is the best way to really experience a culture.
@Dave: We have a horrible sense of direction, so we get lost quite a lot. But, that’s often where we have some of the best and most unexpected experiences.
@Andy: Although we have traveled in small groups that have been able to engage with locals, it does take extra care and attention to be seen as approachable. When you’re just one or two travelers it’s less intimidating. And yes, walking is the best way usually to take in everything happening around you.
Hi Dan & Audrey!
Do you vistit Vietnam?
Couldn’t say it better myself. So many people either want to do the bungee jumping crazy stuff or only want to go to a resort. But the in between stuff is the best stuff of all!
@Viet Anh: Yes, we did spend over a month in Vietnam traveling from Hanoi to Sapa and then from Hoi An to Ho Chi Minh City through the Mekong Delta to Cambodia. It was a great trip. You can read more here: https://uncorneredmarket.com/travel/vietnam/
@Amanda: Exactly! And sometimes when we’re busy planning for the big and crazy stuff we miss those in-between moments.
This is great. Specially “Stay open to getting lost” and “Don’t judge a book by its cover” , people are afraid to step up from their safety zone and search for thrills around them. Its amazing how a few words of foreign language and walking out the resorts can make you an interesting trip… I will share this post on twitter.
Anja, glad you enjoyed this! Yes, it is hard to leave the safety zone sometimes, but the rewards are usually so worth it the initial discomfort and fear. And yes, a few words of the local language can work wonders. So agree about getting outside the resort as well. Thanks for sharing!
It is a great website which provide information to travel abroad. I will share this post on social media sites.
Getting lost intentionally is the best way to experience a new city. I love wandering around, into little known areas of the city I am staying in.
That’s how some of the best experiences come about! Here’s to getting lost 🙂
Another great post. Walking is my favourite. When anywhere I prefer to walk around and do as much walking as possible to see the place how it really is including the not so good parts. If you are in a taxi all the time then you sometime whizz by the most interesting parts.
Thanks, Ross. Walking is a big one. Not only does it slow down the action and lead to interactions you wouldn’t otherwise experience in a cab, but it’s generally better for your health.
There’s nothing easy in this lifestyle but it’s a total different life when you start going on the way of your fear, and stop listening about what you “should” do.
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